Hitori Yogari

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Oneshot
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Just another boring and misogynist lonely dark-haired girl - popular blonde girl trash story.
Like hell I'd buy junk like this.
Last edited 11 mo ago by Pachka84.
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It's in the area where I wouldn't have tagged it shoujo-ai myself, but I don't feel like removing the tag either.

Their relationship isn't clear-cut romantic but there's enough deliberate suggestive ambiguity and subtext near the end (excessive blushing, cheek-holding and reaction thereto, questions of "like", etc)—to say that some of that was an impassioned love confession is a not-unreasonable interpretation of the facts (which doesn't especially require GL-tinted glasses); unfortunately for our ability to judge they were both acting fairly weird and off-the-wall near the end, and as the finishing blow it cuts off before we can see how things fall out thereafter.
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Okay. Yandere tendencies from Anna.
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i fixed most (if not a large chuck of it) of the grammar problems and change some of the translation to better fit, rather than following the near exact wording used by the author. and many thanks to Oeconomist who provided with not only what was wrong but also correction, man your the real MVP here.

As for this is shoujo-ai or not, the girl out right ask if she liked her at 37 i would say that could push it into Shoujo-Ai territory, but there is some subtext (i think anyway) there should be a subtext tag like in Dynasty, that would help in this case since it kinda yes and no.
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@Oeconomist appearance is a focus of nearly every shoujo. Physical contact, softness of skin? That was only during the time sleepy girl declared she was mcs only friend. Theres only shoujo ai if you read too much into it, but theres no evidence of it. I reread it looking for what you said and didnt find it.
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@firosahoge

There's an unusual amount of focus on appearance, physical contact, and softness of skin if the response of both of these characters is just friendliness.

@reverberation

Don't drink and tag. Or at least check to see whether a link is created, which doesn't happen if the user-ID doesn't match anyone.
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@firosagoge when is the last time you looked into your friend's eyes and blushed #100%gay
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The translator requested that corrections be placed in the comments.

Image numbers are in bold characters.

01: The plural of “error” is “errors”, not “error's”.

03: An ellipsis has three dots when it indicates a pause or discontinuation, and four when one means to show that the sentence closed with such a discontinuation. Thus “Um…” or “Um….”, not “Um..”; and “Tha…” or “Tha….”, not “Tha..” Having more than four dots is often okay, but having just two is bad.

The same problem with ellipses occurs on various other pages. I won't bore you by listing each case.

05: I'm not sure what is meant by “Because of my father eyes”. If she means that she has eyes like those of her father, then the expression should be “Because of my father's eyes” or “Because of the eyes that I inheritted from my father”. And she should say “scared of me” rather than “scared or me”. (I'm sure that this error was just typographic, like many that I make.) Instead of “Because of it”, the natural phrase would be “Because of them” (in reference to the eyes) or “Because of that” (in reference to the fear). There should be a question mark after ‘Why “Demon Killer”’.

06: “I want to the girl” should be “I want to be the girl”. “And having a cute face..” should be “And have a cute face…” or “And to have a cute face…” so that it works with the previous “I want [to]”. “Crap, our eyes meet” should be “Crap, our eyes met”, because those eyes were no longer meeting.

07: “Im” should be “I'm”. “Your my only friend” should be “You're my only friend”. “Hey where did you think your food come from!” should be “Hey! Where do you think that your food came from?” or “Hey! Where do you think your food came from?!?” “Since when there is a cat here?” should be “Since when has there been a cat here?” or “Since when is there a cat here?” (Verbs generally move towards the beginning of the sentence when it is made a question.) “Its so cute…..” should be “It's so cute….”

08: “Wait, why she's here?” should be “Wait… Why is she here?” “Even though I chooses” should be “Even though I chose” or “Even though I choose”. “Yhea…” should be “Yeah…” “I cant have pets” should be “I can't have pets”. The phrase “anyone that want” should be “anyone who wants”. “But I still could find it” should be “But I still haven't found anyone”. “There is also a fact” is not ungrammatic, but native speakers would say “There is also the fact”.

09: “Its hard for me to do eye to eye contact” should be “It's hard for me to maintain eye contact”. “In reality its because of my eyes..” should be “In reality, it's because of my eyes…”

10: “Its always makes me look like I'm sleepy” should be “They always make me look like I'm sleepy”. And, if the proper pronoun had been singular, then it would be “It”, not “Its”. “Your sulking again” should be “You're sulking again”.

11: “Ah, if you're okay with it, can I came tomorrow too..” should end with a question mark, not with an ellipsis.

12: “Your friendly too” should be “You're friendly too”. And it would be good to explain the sound from the sat in a marginal note, or to transliterate the sound in the panel.

13: “Did bth f you been feeding it?” should be “Have both of you been feeding it?” “Lately there has been rumors about it” should be “Lately there have been rumors about it”. “I didn't think it was true” should be “I didn't think that they were true” or “I didn't think they were true”. The phrase “in school property” should be “on school property” unless the cat were in a structure. (It could still be “on school property” if the cat were in a building, but it cannot be “in school property” unless the cat is in a structure.) “Its against the rules and many students here oppose such a thing” should be “It's against the rules and many students oppose such a thing”. (Note that “oppose” should be in the present indicative active.)

14: “Hand her over!” is not consistent with the previous page, on which the cat was called “it” by the teacher. It would be more likely for the teacher to say “it” than “her” if the teacher were guessing, but both times the tacher should use the same pronoun; the same is true for the teacher's later references to the cat. “Ah right your eyes gives it away.” should be “Ah, right. Your eyes give it away. ”It's better that you hand over her before this problem got out of hand” should be “It's better than you hand it over before this problem gets out of hand”. “So what about my eyes!” should be “What about my eyes?” or “What about my eyes?!?” or she could just demand “My eyes!?!”

It's okay for Chinatsu and for Anna to call the cat “her” while the teacher calls the cat “it”, as the girls may be familiar enough to know the sex of the cat while the teacher probably does not.

16: “Today it just me again” should be “Today it's just me again”.

17: “Why your still coming here?” should be “Why are you still coming here?” ‘Her name is Momo-chan’ should be ‘Her name is “Momo-chan”’.

18: “Is it important to have it?” should be “Is it important to have one?” “Why you're going here every day?” should be “Why would you be coming here every day?” or “Why are you going to be coming here every day?” or “Why are you coming here every day?”

19: “Every day she goes out to meet me” should be “Every day she comes out to meet me”.

20: “Because were friends” should be “Because we're friends”. “What is friends…” should be “What are friends?” or “What are friends…?” or probably ‘What does she mean “friends”…?’ “Im Anna” should be “I'm Anna”. (I have no idea what the original said or meant.)

21: “Since when we're friends?” should be “Since when did we become friends?” or “Since when are have we been friends?” or “Since when are we friends?” “Being friends with someone is not about when we are friends” should be “Being friends with someone is not about when we became friends” or just “Being friends is not about when we became friends”.

22: “That bread worth a lot to me” should be “That bread meant a lot to me” or “That bread was worth a lot to me”.

23: “This is the first time I seen you smile Chinatsu” should be “This is the first time that I've seen you smile, Chinatsu”. A vocative is an identifier that isn't a subject or object in the sentence, but is used to call to the person to whom one is writing or speaking, as when one says “Steve, come here.” If a vocative appears in a sentence, then always offset it with a comma. I know that you've seen hundreds or thousands of sentences by ignorant people who fail to offset vocative, but don't imitate them. “Hey! Jack, off the horse!” means something different from “Hey! Jack off the horse!” Without a comma, “Chinatsu” in that sentence would somehow have to be an adverb modifying “smile”.

25: “Huh?, that's rare that they have it on stock” should be “Huh? It's rare that they have it in stock”.

26: Again, “Yhea” should be “Yeah”. “Your kidding” should be “You're kidding”. “Anna friends” should be “Anna's friends”. “Anna type” should be “Anna's type”. “I telling you” should be “I'm telling you”, and “myself” would be one word when used for emphasis or to refer to reflexive action. “How did they got” should be “How did they get”.

27: “How could I forgot…” should be “How could I forget?” or “How could I forget…?” “but I meet you” should be “but I've met you” or “but I met you”.

30: “Cheer up Anna” should be “Cheer up, Anna”. To say “Cheer up Anna” is unnatural unless one is telling someone else other than Anna to bring cheer to Anna. (Again, always offset a vocative with a comma.) “Your finally free” should be “You're finally free”.

31: “I'm really am alone” should be “I really am alone” or “I'm really alone” or “I am really alone”. (“I'm” is a contraction of “I am”.)

32: The phrase “have keep” should be “have kept”.

34: The phrase “if your going to cry” should be “if you're going to cry”.

35: “Why you…” should be “Why did you…?” “I should be the one saying that” should be “I should be the one asking that”. “I don't want to be a problem to you” should be “I don't want to be a problem for you”.

36: “Who said you're a problem” should end with “?” or with “?!?” “Well, nobody I just assume…” should be “Well, nobody. I just assumed….”. “And you just accepting it and just make it worst” should be “And your just accepting it just makes it worse” or “And your accepting it just makes it worse”. “I cant talk to people” should be “I can't talk to people”. There's actually a word “cant” that refers to thoughtless words, and homonyms with other meanings; none of these should be confused with “can't”.

37: The expression “such sincere apology” isn't wrong, but would be surprising from a school girl; the more usualy expression would be “such a sincere apology”. In reply to “Aren't we friends?”, a native speaker might say “I want to be….”, but not just “I want to….” “If that the case” should be “If that's the case” or “If that is the case” or “If that be the case”, though the last fo these is very old-fashioned.

38: Again: “If that the case” should be “If that's the case” or “If that is the case”.

41: “Wait that last one is an insult” should be “Wait! That last one is an insult!”

42: “You just insulted me again didn't you” should be “You just insulted me again, didn't you?”

43: “I wonder if there any leftover choco melon bread” should be “I wonder if there's any choco melon bread left?” “That's Anna” should be “That's Anna's.” or “That's for Anna.” or “That's for you” or just “That's yours.” (I like the last best.)

45: The phrase “author work” should be “author's work”. The phrase “its available” should be “it's available”. The expression “on your area” should be “in your area”. And “wrong on the translation” should be “wrong with the translation” or “wrong in the translation”.

You have a lot of statements that are ended with no punctuation. That's probably okay informally, but it would be better to end with periods or with exclamation marks. (In American comic strips and comic books, periods are seldom used and exclamation marks are very common; this convention developed because of historical problems with cheap printing, but has continued even though printing is better.)

Let me add: I would rather have a translation like that which you produced than no translation at all, and you did a better job than have some translators who ignore every attempt to help them to improve.
Last edited 11 mo ago by Oeconomist.
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@Lilliwyt True enough, been done to death. And yet I don't really get tired of it. This one was kind of basic though. And the story felt a bit . . . unfinished. Seemed more like a first chapter in a short series than a oneshot.

As to the translation, well, it's not bad for a first try. Definitely has a few problems--grammatical mistakes, yes, a few missed typos like "yhea" for yeah, and a couple of places where it feels like actual meaning was lost--obviously that one where the t/n said they didn't know what the original meant, and right near the end where she sees the melon bread and Tachibana says "That's Anna" when presumably she meant' "That's for Anna". There's a certain stiffness, but that kind of thing only comes with experience. But it's workable; I've seen worse from more experienced.
On the grammar, I recommend working on English verb conjugation, plurals, and use of the apostrophe. On how to use apostrophes, I recommend "Bob the Angry Flower's Quick Guide to the Apostrophe, You Idiots" which really sums up how to do it in one easy entertaining picture.
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no yuri, no shoujo-ai either, and thanks for the translation, even though half of the meanings was lost, sadly ๐Ÿ˜‚
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take off shoujo ai tag this is just friendship you pervs
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If i havent read this kind of story a thousand time i will lie. It's sweet but man it's not original at all. One girls is excluded for whatever reason,an another one doesn't care about it and want to be friend with her. They sympathise but the excluded one overheard a conversation of others students who pity the other and suddendly the exclude thought it will be better if the other one stop being a friend without talking about that matter with the person in question. Then the other don't understand and go confront the exclude and said" yo dipsh*t idc about what other said, i want to be your friend/lover/gf/wife and that's it".

There is a ton of mangas with that get-up.
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@HuevoPodrido @kn1000a
yes your right its just shoujo-ai but mi not the first one that uploaded a chapter, i already asked to for it to be corrected hopefully it would be soon.

To Kn1000a
i ran it to my friends that know FAR Japanese better than me said that is accurate enough, i also partly compare it to Bahasa Indonesia version as a sanity check, while the overall translation is mostly correct the the only problem is more on grammar in some of the lines, and thank you for telling me this.
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Yeah this should only be shoujo ai. Yuri is heavier on the erotic side and intention.

On another note, get a proofreader. Or learn proper English. If you want to solo you will have to learn literally every role of a typical scanlation team. While idk if your translation is even correct, being bad at English always give off a feeling the translator doesn’t have what it takes to translate in the first place. Think about it, if you’re gonna translate something to x language, people WILL expect you to be proficient with said x language. If you aren’t even good with it, then you lose all credibility with your translation.
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I'm not an expert but, Does this story fit in the 'yuri' category? I would say 'shoujo ai' is plenty.